i-was-drunk-and-it-was-comic-con

doctorspontaneous:

voidethered:

ask-omnipony:

luckydreaming:

Are fedoras really that bad?

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YES YES THEY ARE

I don’t really believe this mumbo jumbo

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I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

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Right..?

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The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

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I wonder if this works with other kinds of hat…

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Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

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WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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whatta-bitch-ass
desirethepositive:

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
FULL naked.
REAL naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

caffeinatedredhead
you needed to read this I’m crying

desirethepositive:

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

I get naked.

FULL naked.

REAL naked.

I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

No cookies. Blatant nudity.

That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

And there it was.

This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

This was, nearly, one of those.

If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

And inquiries such as:

“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

caffeinatedredhead
you needed to read this I’m crying
jossipliers-bloodyimpala

shadownight2194:

valerieparker:

domics:

montoya:

domics:

Have you ever heard anyone say ‘easier done than said’ ?

So, one day my coworker said “is anything easier done than said” and I let him pontificate about this for a while and then I said to him, “silence” and that blew his mind. 

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NO I HAVE NOT HAD ENOUGH COFFEE TO CONTEMPLATE YOUR PHILOSOPHICAL SHIT TUMBLR STOP THAT

Dat some deep shit

jossipliers-bloodyimpala
tallulah99:

datiek:

popping-smoke:

mbisthegame:

oparnoshoshoi:

anarchyandacupofcoffee:

OK Highway Patrol Captain George Brown says the best “tip” for women to not get raped by a cop is to “follow the law in the first place so you don’t get pulled over.”http://youtu.be/BO8g8akPWcY (Last third of the video).
Three serial rapists in 3 weeks arrested in Oklahoma, all cops.
Follow for Anarchy | Follow for Feminism



Pro tip: if you’re signaled to pull over (whether you’re male or female) and you’re in a place that has no witnesses, turn your hazard lights on to acknowledge the officer’s siren, and drive to the nearest gas station or populated area. This is accepted protocol by every agency. You are not obligated pull over until you can do so safely. This includes personal safety. Understand your rights, brothers and sisters. There are disgusting examples of authority in this world.

HAZARD LIGHTS ARE NOT AN ACCEPTABLE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. IT IS NOT ACCEPTED PROTOCOL BY EVERY AGENCY. DO NOT JUST CONTINUE DRIVING WITH YOUR HAZARD LIGHTS IN CASE THE COP MIGHT THINK IT’S A LOW-SPEED CHASE.
I know that sounds dumb, but hear me out. My mother is a dispatcher for the local police station. I asked her about how to pull over for a cop and even brought up the use of hazard lights, and she told me that it is not always accepted. This is what she told me you can do in order to feel safe when pulling over:
Call the police. No, really. Call and tell the dispatcher where you are and that there is a cop behind you demanding you pull over. The dispatcher can and will stay on the line with you while they look up the area you’re in to see if it’s one of their station’s cops. Then, once the cop comes to your window, you can crack it open (it only has to be an inch!) while still on the phone with the dispatcher. This is definitely, 100% accepted protocol.
The dispatcher will verify that it is their own, real cop, and they will gladly stay on the line with you throughout your interaction with the officer. And God forbid this ever happens to any of you, but if something were to happen to you during this time, you’ve already contacted 911 and given your location to the dispatcher.
Please keep this in mind if you are ever requested to pull over and do not feel safe. The dispatcher will understand. Do not, however, continue to drive, because there might be the off-chance an officer will think you’re flat-out refusing to pull over (a well-lit, populated area might be a ways away).
Stay safe.

Signal boost.
Because I personally know some creepy ass mother fuckers who became cops because they’re demented psychopaths and they get off on having control over people.

tallulah99:

datiek:

popping-smoke:

mbisthegame:

oparnoshoshoi:

anarchyandacupofcoffee:

OK Highway Patrol Captain George Brown says the best “tip” for women to not get raped by a cop is to “follow the law in the first place so you don’t get pulled over.”
http://youtu.be/BO8g8akPWcY (Last third of the video).

Three serial rapists in 3 weeks arrested in Oklahoma, all cops.

Follow for Anarchy | Follow for Feminism

Pro tip: if you’re signaled to pull over (whether you’re male or female) and you’re in a place that has no witnesses, turn your hazard lights on to acknowledge the officer’s siren, and drive to the nearest gas station or populated area. This is accepted protocol by every agency. You are not obligated pull over until you can do so safely. This includes personal safety. Understand your rights, brothers and sisters. There are disgusting examples of authority in this world.

HAZARD LIGHTS ARE NOT AN ACCEPTABLE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. IT IS NOT ACCEPTED PROTOCOL BY EVERY AGENCY. DO NOT JUST CONTINUE DRIVING WITH YOUR HAZARD LIGHTS IN CASE THE COP MIGHT THINK IT’S A LOW-SPEED CHASE.

I know that sounds dumb, but hear me out. My mother is a dispatcher for the local police station. I asked her about how to pull over for a cop and even brought up the use of hazard lights, and she told me that it is not always accepted. This is what she told me you can do in order to feel safe when pulling over:

Call the police. No, really. Call and tell the dispatcher where you are and that there is a cop behind you demanding you pull over. The dispatcher can and will stay on the line with you while they look up the area you’re in to see if it’s one of their station’s cops. Then, once the cop comes to your window, you can crack it open (it only has to be an inch!) while still on the phone with the dispatcher. This is definitely, 100% accepted protocol.

The dispatcher will verify that it is their own, real cop, and they will gladly stay on the line with you throughout your interaction with the officer. And God forbid this ever happens to any of you, but if something were to happen to you during this time, you’ve already contacted 911 and given your location to the dispatcher.

Please keep this in mind if you are ever requested to pull over and do not feel safe. The dispatcher will understand. Do not, however, continue to drive, because there might be the off-chance an officer will think you’re flat-out refusing to pull over (a well-lit, populated area might be a ways away).

Stay safe.

Signal boost.

Because I personally know some creepy ass mother fuckers who became cops because they’re demented psychopaths and they get off on having control over people.

i-was-drunk-and-it-was-comic-con
spookyprincestrider:

sirenlovesong:

summer-tryst:

rightfulqueenofwesteros:

summer-tryst:

White people will literally tattoo ANYTHING on their bodies. ABSOLUTELY. ANYTHING.

why is she tattooing tea on her? did tea save her life? 

I have this feeling that she doesn’t even know what chai means. Probably thought it was spiritual or something. I’m patiently waiting for her response lmao

CHAI IS THE HEBREW WORD FOR LIFE HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THE PICTURE IT SAYS #Hebrew THE WRITING IS IN HEBREW YA’LL ARE BEING PURPOSEFULLY IGNORANT TO SHAME A “WHITE” GIRL WHO ISN’T EVEN WHITE

AYYYY Jew stepping in here.  Chai (chet-Yud) translates to “Life”. Which is what we say out of respect to the familes of those who die. But most importantly it is a symbol of the jewish religion, this being from the saying “Am Yisrael Chai” translating to “The children of Israel are alive”.  Do you know how awesome it is to see someone embracing my culture? I’ve grown up scared to even mention that i’m jewish to people in fear of being attacked or killed. So to see someone tattoo it on themselves is awesome! I mean yeah the Torah forbids it, but it also forbids most medicines so fuck that. All you SJWs go on about “appropriating other people cultures”. But did any of you think to actually ask a Jew?  No.  You all assumed she had “Tea” tattooed on her because saying you’re open minded is completely different to actually having an open mind.
Here’s a little saying for you by Hillel."he who refuses to learn deserves extinction.”
And you didn’t even try to learn.  

Your Anti-Semitism disgusts me and i hope you learnt a lesson here.ps summer-tryst You have embarassed the hell out of yourself. Enjoy eating your own words since Chai “Isnt even spiritual”.  nahh. it just represents the religion that all monotheistic faiths are built upon.  totally not religious.

spookyprincestrider:

sirenlovesong:

summer-tryst:

rightfulqueenofwesteros:

summer-tryst:

White people will literally tattoo ANYTHING on their bodies. ABSOLUTELY. ANYTHING.

why is she tattooing tea on her? did tea save her life? 

I have this feeling that she doesn’t even know what chai means. Probably thought it was spiritual or something. I’m patiently waiting for her response lmao

CHAI IS THE HEBREW WORD FOR LIFE HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THE PICTURE IT SAYS #Hebrew THE WRITING IS IN HEBREW YA’LL ARE BEING PURPOSEFULLY IGNORANT TO SHAME A “WHITE” GIRL WHO ISN’T EVEN WHITE

AYYYY Jew stepping in here.  Chai (chet-Yud) translates to “Life”. Which is what we say out of respect to the familes of those who die. But most importantly it is a symbol of the jewish religion, this being from the saying “Am Yisrael Chai” translating to “The children of Israel are alive”.  Do you know how awesome it is to see someone embracing my culture? I’ve grown up scared to even mention that i’m jewish to people in fear of being attacked or killed. So to see someone tattoo it on themselves is awesome! I mean yeah the Torah forbids it, but it also forbids most medicines so fuck that. All you SJWs go on about “appropriating other people cultures”. But did any of you think to actually ask a Jew?  No.  You all assumed she had “Tea” tattooed on her because saying you’re open minded is completely different to actually having an open mind.

Here’s a little saying for you by Hillel.

"he who refuses to learn deserves extinction.

And you didn’t even try to learn.  

Your Anti-Semitism disgusts me and i hope you learnt a lesson here.

ps summer-tryst You have embarassed the hell out of yourself. Enjoy eating your own words since Chai “Isnt even spiritual”.  nahh. it just represents the religion that all monotheistic faiths are built upon.  totally not religious.

scienceofcool

hueva-york:

fish-dinner-connoisseur:

jessehimself:

8-year-old polyglot Mabou Loiseau (8 languages, 8 musical instruments, sings) on Katie Couric

Mabou Loiseau speaks French, Arabic, Spanish, Russian, Mandarin, Creole, English, Sign Language and is learning Japanese. She also plays piano, violin, drums, guitar, harp, clarinet, flute, conga, sings and takes college level algebra.

From ‘Katie’ on ABC, July 10 2014.

BLACK EXCELLENCE

reblogging again ‘cause she’s my favorite

jossipliers-bloodyimpala

missgambit:

It’s not about women acting like men… It’s about women acting like women and being successful.

 

jossipliers-bloodyimpala

wtfisthinprivilege:

viredae:

randomslasher:

zenpencils:

SIR KEN ROBINSON: Full body education

I’m fairly certain I’ve never seen one of these comics that didn’t make me cry. 

That’s a lovely sentiment and all, but I’ve yet to see a dance that can generate clean energy, so you bet your ass that I believe that math and sciences are more important than dance.

So unless someone is willing to dance outside in the freezing cold, try and vilify the thing that keeps you warm at night just a little bit less.

Wait..American schools care about languages?? I guess not in SoCal because its the least funded department. It goes Math Science, English Social Studies Drama Arts then Languages